


Just A Little Longer

by KinaKalamari



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Darillium, F/M, Post Episode: s07e05 The Angels Take Manhattan, Pre-Episode: s04e08 Silence in the Library, Pre-Episode: s07e06 The Snowmen, Sad, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-30
Updated: 2013-10-25
Packaged: 2017-12-25 02:49:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/947714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KinaKalamari/pseuds/KinaKalamari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the loss of the Ponds, River puts her all into getting a grieving Doctor back on his feet. But even as she pulls him out of his darkness, she's getting closer and closer to her own. Without knowledge or intention, she might end up doing him more harm than good. [Interim fic connecting The Angels Take Manhattan and The Snowmen]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fragment I

The TARDIS was still silent when River woke up the morning after the day of Weeping Angels in Manhattan. She picked herself up off of the couch where she'd fallen asleep a few hours previously and made her way to the console room, part of her hoping against all evidence that maybe something would have changed overnight.

She found the Doctor lying on the floor, half underneath the console. He looked as though he had gone under with the intention of fixing something and then stopped short of actually doing anything.

She let out a small, sad, inaudible sigh, then cleared her throat to announce her presence.

After a moment, he slid out and stood up in front of her. "Morning, River," he said, conspicuously leaving the 'good' off of the beginning of his greeting. "Did you sleep well?"

She ignored his attempt at pleasantries. "What were you doing under there?"

He looked down at the console. "The wibbly switch wasn't working."

"Which wibbly switch?" she asked, completely prepared to call him out on his evasion. "I used the green one last night, and it was fine."

"The… yellow one," he replied vaguely.

"The one that you only use when you go near the French revolution or Kansas?"

"Yes…?" He sighed, and his shoulders slumped. "Alright, I wasn't fixing anything. But you knew that before you asked me."

"Yes, I did." Her gaze followed him as he walked over and sat down on the seat by the staircase. "Which is why I asked you what you were doing."

"Nothing," he replied, staring down through the floor.

"Well," she said lightly, "I think that's a problem, wouldn't you agree? Where shall we go?"

He looked up at her, preparing to argue the idea that they go anywhere, but changed his mind when he saw the look on her face. He knew better than anyone that there were some things you just didn't argue with River Song about. "Somewhere new."

She knew what that meant — he didn't want to encounter any old memories. Honestly, she couldn't blame him for that. Not now.

She turned around and set the coordinates.


	2. Fragment II

Once the TARDIS had landed and the Doctor still hadn't moved, River realized that a reversal of roles was going to be necessary. Gently, she took his hand and pulled him to his feet.

"Come on, sweetie," she said.

He looked down at their hands and smiled sadly, then let her lead him out of the TARDIS.

She had parked them on the top of a plateau that looked like desert but stood in the middle of a forest. Near where they had landed, there was a plaid blanket laid across the sand. Some of the locals occasionally came out to lie there and look up into the night sky, where the nearby Tornado Nebula was close enough to take up most of the view with its extraterrestrial beauty.

They had both seen similar sights — better ones, even — but some peaceful, quiet nebula-watching had seemed like the thing for the moment, and it was one of the few places that had come to mind that she knew he had never been before.

A couple minutes later, when they were both on their backs watching the sky, the Doctor asked, "River, do you know why I usually choose humans to come with me?"

She was pretty sure that she did, but it seemed as though he needed to talk. "Why do you?"

"Because they're so curious," he said, "and they've barely seen anything of the universe. To them, everything is new and wonderful and exciting. If I look through their eyes, I can see it again. Without that, what's the point in traveling?"

She was silent, unsure of how to respond.

After a pause, he added, "I think Amy was the only one who ever knew that. She was the only one who ever asked."

"That doesn't mean that she's the only one who ever will," River said, needing to combat the finality in his voice.

"No," he agreed quietly, "I suppose not."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So their conversation is in reference to a deleted scene that takes place between Flesh and Stone and The Vampires in Venice. If you haven't seen it, I would suggest looking it up on YouTube. It's really a great scene.


	3. Fragment III

"So where are we going now?" the Doctor asked, leaning against the railing and watching River expertly manage the controls.

She looked up at him as she pulled a lever, for the first time ever wishing that he would interrupt her driving and tell her how she was doing it wrong. His passive observation worried her more than she would ever tell him. "Just a little town that I came across during my research a few years ago."

He nodded, and fell into silence until the TARDIS landed.

As they stepped out of the ship and onto grass that had rounded edges and was a light shade of blue, River realized that she had been planning all of her attempts to improve the Doctor's mood around locations. However, considering the light that he had recently shed on his outlook on seeing things without companions to see it for him, maybe she should change tack. All he really needed was to be reminded that he wasn't alone, after all.

Still, this location was pretty great. She glanced over at him, and found him staring at the sky with something close to humor in his expression.

He moved his gaze down to her, an ironic smile definitely present on his face. "The sky is green."

She nodded, trying not to let her relief show. "Yes. And the grass is blue."

"Oh, River…" He reached over and pulled her closer so that he could kiss her forehead. "You've really gone all out for me, haven't you? I don't suppose all of the town's occupants wear fezzes as well?"

"Sweetie, if such a place existed," River said with smile, "I wouldn't let you within a thousand miles of it."


	4. Fragment IV

The Doctor snapped his fingers moments before he would have slammed into the doors of the TARDIS and fell through them instead, followed a little too closely by River. They tumbled onto the floor of the ship in a bit of a tangle as the doors closed behind them.

"That is the last time I let you do the negotiating," she said as she attempted to get up. "I have never seen more of a botched job. I mean, what were you expecting to happen when you asked about his wife?"

"I suppose you would have just gone in with your lipstick and sorted it all out," the Doctor returned sourly.

"Well," she said, "at least then they would have been chasing us for a completely different reason."

He scowled. "Are you planning to let me up?"

She had just managed to find purchase on the floor with her heels, so she gave him a quick kiss and pushed herself to her feet. He followed her up, all traces of annoyance already gone from his expression, and jumped up the stairs to the console. He flipped a few switches and levers, then turned around to face her as she climbed the stairs behind him.

"So I was thinking maybe the Mountains of Pliaeuys," he said. "Perhaps before they named them so that we can suggest something with more consonants in it."

"That sounds lovely, sweetie," she replied, "but I think I need some rest first. Your terrible diplomatic skills fairly exhausted me."

"Yes, dear," he said with a sigh. "Sorry."

She started to go up the stairs toward the bedrooms, but stopped and turned back to face him. "Doctor, I have to ask…"

He frowned slightly at her serious tone. "Ask what?"

"Are you okay?" She could see that he was going to reply more flippantly than she wanted, so she added, "I mean, _really_ okay."

He studied her for a moment, his eyes shadowed. "Your parents were the closest thing I've had to family in a very long time, River. They were a place for me to go home to whenever I needed one. That isn't something that I'm going to be able to get over quickly, but with you here, yes, I'm okay." He had moved closer as he spoke, and now he was standing on the stair below her, looking her in the eye. "Are you okay?"

She smiled sadly. "I learned how to deal with heartbreak a long time ago, sweetie. I will always miss them, but I'll be fine."

"Of course you will," he said, his expression unreadable. "You're River Song. You're always fine."

"Oh, I do hope you mean that in more than one way," she said, easily pulling her suggestive smile out of the dusty corner that it had recently been occupying.

His somber expression left, leaving only a shadow of itself behind in his eyes, and he smiled. "I think you had better go to bed now, Professor."

"Are you going to make me?" she asked, leaning forward.

He kissed the tip of her nose. "I can't make you do anything."

She smiled and turned back around. As she headed up the stairs, she called back, "I think if you really tried, you would be surprised what you could make me do."

He just smiled, shook his head, and went back to fiddling with the TARDIS's controls.


	5. Fragment V

When the TARDIS vwoorped its way into view, River couldn't stop a smile from creeping onto her face. She walked over and pushed the door open.

"I said a week, Doctor," she said reprovingly.

He looked up from the console, frowning. "It's been a week, hasn't it?"

"Eight days," she replied.

He waved a hand at her. "Close enough."

"Closer than usual, actually," she said as she walked up to stand next to him. "I can only assume that means that you haven't found someone to travel with you yet."

He turned a knob on the view screen, not looking at her. "Why's that?"

"Because if you had, you would hardly have all of this free time left for me."

He stopped whatever it was he was doing and turned to face her, his expression solemn. "I will always have time for you, River. For as long as you want me to."

She smiled. "And I always will. That doesn't change the fact that you get distracted very easil—" She broke off, leaning slightly sideways to look past his shoulder. "Sweetie, why have you left that horrible throw rug hanging on the railing? I thought you said you were going to toss it into a sun."

He glanced over at it guiltily. "Ah, well, yes, I suppose I did say that. It's just… I haven't really had the time…"

She watched him suspiciously as he scratched his cheek, recognizing traditional Evasive Doctor Behavior. He hadn't had the time?

"Doctor," she said slowly, "how long has it been since you dropped me off?"

"Now River," he said, "you know how I am with time—"

"How long?" she asked again.

"About… four and a half minutes?" He took a large step around the console, pulling a lever on his way. "How about Alpha Delta Epsilon Pi? The people there have some of the most advanced jam-making skills in the universe, it's really quite something to watch."

"Doctor…"

"I hear the actual flavor of the jam leaves something to be desired, but they've got quantity down to a—"

"Doctor!" She stepped in front of him as he made for the green wibbly switch. "Have you done this every time?"

He let out a long breath and stopped moving. "River, you're the one who told me not to travel alone."

"Yes," she said exasperatedly, "by which I meant that you should find another brave, curious human girl and show her the universe."

"Why?" he asked, his tone suddenly sharp. "Why should I ruin any more lives? I don't deserve to have you as it is, why should I deserve to have anyone else?"

"Oh, sweetie," she said sadly, "of course you deserve to have me. You always forget — most of the people who have traveled with you would never dream of turning back the time. But I've seen too much already, I can't be your eyes. I can't help you see the universe again. You need someone new."

He walked over to the chair by the steps, sat down, and swung his feet up to prop them on the edge of the console. "I don't want someone new. I'm tired of being… space Gandalf." He uttered the last two words in something close to despair and let his head fall forward into his hands.

River frowned. She had no idea where the antiquated fantasy reference had come from, or why it seemed to have caused him such pain. Worse, she wasn't sure she knew how to help him.

Before she could come up with anything to say, he stood suddenly and dropped a kiss on her lips. "I'm sorry. I'll try to find someone, I promise, but for now it's only you and me."

She smiled. "I'm certainly not complaining about that."

He grinned back at her. "So how about some jam?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who was just as confused as River about the "space Gandalf" thing, that was again in reference to the deleted scene between Flesh and Stone and Vampires In Venice. That scene had so much excellent material, I have no idea why they cut it.
> 
> Also, please don't kill me for the Greek. It was supposed to be a place-holder until I thought of something better, but that didn't really work out.


	6. Fragment VI

The next time River walked into the TARDIS, her first question was, "How was your week, sweetie?"

Her tone assured the Doctor that she was forcefully assuming that he had in fact _had_ a week, and that any argument about that would not be very well received.

"Oh, nothing exciting," he replied. "Went to that little planet near the Nuclear Triangle and watched a couple of Minorians fight over a bowl of Blue Stew, visited Einstein for a bit, discovered that the yellow wibbly switch was actually broken and spent a couple days failing to land in Kansas so I could troubleshoot it, bought another fez…" He grabbed the new hat from where it was hanging on an otherwise-useless bit of metal and stuck it on his head. River rolled her eyes. "How was yours?"

"Well," she said, walking past him and snatching the fez off of his head, "nothing that could hold a candle to yours. I had a little squabble with one of my students about whether Winston Churchill ever really existed—"

"Of course he did!" the Doctor said indignantly.

She sighed. "You don't need to argue with me about it, sweetie, but apparently there's a rumor going around that he and Caesar may have been the same person."

He stared at her. "Where did they get that idea?"

"Oh, well…" Her expression was caught somewhere between sheepish and dreadfully amused. "Do you remember that time we were in the thirty-fourth century and part of the binding broke on my journal?" He nodded. "It would appear that I lost some pages concerning the twenty-second of April, and now some archeologists in the fifty-first century are confusing the events from the alternate timeline with actual history."

"River!" he exclaimed. "That's sensitive information! You might have messed up the proper documentation of historical fact!"

"They'll figure it out," she said unconcernedly. "There's far more evidence for the idea that they were two people than the idea that they were the same. Anyway," she added as she stuffed the fez unsympathetically into a drawer under the console, "I also received an invitation to head an expedition into the Library. It's been a hundred years now since the planet's computer shut the whole place down, and they've decided that it's about time someone found out what happened."

There was only silence from behind her. She turned around and caught a glimpse of horror in the Doctor's eyes, but it was gone almost as soon as she had seen it.

"Doctor?" she asked. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. Nothing's wrong, I just… um… Did you accept?"

"No, not yet," she replied, her head tilting suspiciously. "I only got the letter this morning. I am planning to, though."

With her words, it had come rushing back — the reason that he had tried to keep his distance at first, tried not to let her get too close. He had known that this was where it all was headed, but he had gotten lost in the high of her challenging intelligence and snappy repartee and scintillating mystery and had eventually given in without entirely meaning to.

Now everything in the Doctor's chest was screaming for him to tell her not to accept, not to go to the Library, not to die. But, damn it all, he couldn't. Breaking the timeline like that… Even if she knew what was waiting for her there, she would never let him stop her. Doing that would rewrite all of their time, everything they had gone through. _Not those times,_ he heard her saying as she prepared to let the Library's computer use her mind for extra space. _Don't you dare._

He had said the same to her at Lake Silencio and had thought that since he was repeating her words that he knew how it felt to hear them, but only now did he fully understand what it was actually like for her — how hard it must have been. When he had watched her sacrifice herself, he hadn't known her yet, hadn't had a chance to love her. Now, well…

With all of that running through his mind, he didn't trust himself to speak without saying all of the things that he knew he couldn't, so he just nodded silently and tried to swallow the blockage in his throat.

"Just think of all the information, all the history," she said with a smile. "A place like that — you may have a hard time convincing me to leave."


	7. Fragment VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next make fairly large references to the minisodes First Night and Last Night. Here's a small recap for any of you who haven't seen them:
> 
> The Doctor takes a freshly-jailed River out for her first excursion in the TARDIS to a place where, at twelve past midnight on a specific date, you can see more stars in the sky than at any other point in the universe. However, while they're there, a future River and Doctor pop into the TARDIS, and inform present-Doctor that they're going to Darillium. The two Doctors share some very sad dialogue.
> 
> Since my fic is set at the point where future Doctor and River would have come from, I figured I'd better reference the minisodes.
> 
> (If you haven't seen them, I would recommend it. They've recently been uploaded to YouTube by someone called "Monserrat Foster", so you can watch them there now. They're also on DailyMotion.)

It took him a lot longer than a week to go back to her. He knew that he was only pushing off the inevitable, but he couldn't help it — he didn't want to know that it was over. At least this way he still knew that he had one more chance to see her.

Finally, though, he gave in. It was hard for him to stay away, especially when he couldn't find anything that was enough to distract him.

"Don't you look sharp," she said appreciatively when she entered the TARDIS, eyeing his suit and top hat. "Are we going somewhere special tonight?"

"The Singing Towers of Darillium," he told her.

"It's about time," she said with a smile. "You mentioned them months ago."

He did his best to return the smile. "I know."

She looked over to the hook by the railing, where a shimmery green dress was hanging. "Again, Doctor?"

"Yep," he said. "Except this time, you're actually going to wear it."

"Oh, am I?" she said. She tilted her head at it speculatively. "Well, alright. Why not?"

Once she had gotten dressed, she came back from checking a mirror with her hands running down the material. "You know, it really isn't so bad. I suppose it just needed to be filled out. So… the Towers, then?"

He nodded distractedly.

"Sweetie, as much as I appreciate the attention," River said, her tone amused, "you're really far more useful when you're focused on flying the TARDIS."

Belatedly, he realized that his attention had in fact been less than innocently diverted, and told himself sternly to stop staring. A few seconds later, he managed it. "We're actually making a bit of a pit stop first."

"Where?"

"You'll know it when you see it," he replied, "which you'll do right… about… now." He flipped a lever and they landed with a final wheeze and a thump. He gestured toward the doors. "After you, Professor Song."

She peeked out of the TARDIS curiously. "Oh, sweetie, you haven't…"

He jumped down the stairs to join her. "More stars in the sky than any other point in the universe."

"Yes, I remember." She was about to step out onto the grass, but stopped with her foot hovering an inch off the ground. "Doctor, this is a specific moment in time, and we've already been."

"The viewing platform is five kilometers wide," he replied. "We can avoid ourselves." Except, of course, that he already knew they weren't going to manage that.

She looked at him for a moment, then set her foot down. "If you're sure. I don't want to be ripping any holes in time."

"No worries," he told her. "Now come on, we don't want to miss the moment and have to come back a third time."


	8. Fragment VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify, the events of Last Night happened between the last chapter and this one. I tried to imply it in the prose, but just in case I failed at that, I thought I should be clear.

The Doctor had known that he was going to face the younger version of himself — the one who was just taking River out for her first nighttime trip with him — ever since he had been said younger version, but he had thought that it was going to be a lot easier to handle. The meeting had hit him with a deep-seated nostalgic sadness, and as he piloted the TARDIS to Darillium, all he could think about was how much he wished he could still be that Doctor — the Doctor who still had the Ponds, and many more years to spend with River.

“Are you alright?” River asked him as they landed.

He nodded. “Just… reminiscing, I suppose.”

He barely saw Darillium. He was watching River — watching her laugh, watching her smile softly as she took in the awe of the Towers’ song… watching her be so very alive.

He was glad, though, that she didn’t know the full meaning of the trip. If she had, he would have been forced into making a proper farewell, and he didn’t think he could have done that. At least this way he could almost pretend that it was just another night.

Then she turned to him and said, “This is beautiful, sweetie. You’re bringing me back here someday.”

He tried to smile, but there was something wrong with it. After a moment, he realized that it was because of the tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes.

Her own smile dropped somewhat, and she looked at him in concern. “What’s wrong?”

He just shook his head. There was nothing he could say.

When the night was over, she kissed him good night before she left the TARDIS. He tried to be normal about it, but he couldn’t help holding on just a little longer. Although it wasn’t anything close to a real farewell, he thought she must have sensed that something was slightly off, because when she pulled away there was a sad sort of wary fatalism in her eyes.

“Good night, sweetie,” she said as she opened the door and prepared to leave. “Wish me luck.”

He bit back all of the things that he wanted to say to that. Instead, he pulled a modified version of his old blue sonic out of his jacket and handed it to her. “Good luck.”

She looked at him for a long moment, the sonic held loosely in her hand and a sad smile on her face, and then she stepped out and closed the door behind herself.

The woman who knew him front to back  — the keeper of one of his greatest secrets — the final Pond — had left him.


	9. Fragment IX

He knew he shouldn’t have done it, but — left with such a horrible emptiness inside of him — he had to do something. He set the coordinates into the TARDIS and flew himself to the Library.

He found her journal sitting exactly where his tenth incarnation had left it all those years ago, underneath the sonic that he had just barely parted with. Feeling like he was somehow breaking some great ordinance, he carefully opened it.

He started off reading it fairly quickly, searching for anything inside of it that he hadn’t encountered yet (maybe he still had a chance), but slowed down as he realized that he was getting a final look into River’s life and mind. _The_ final look. All of her hopes and dreams and thoughts and opinions on his wardrobe were documented on those tattered pages, the handwriting varying from orderly to scrawling, sometimes in print and sometimes in cursive. At one point, it seemed that she had been so frustrated with him that she had managed to stab a hole through the paper with the tip of her pen.

Her final entry was about Darillium.

_“The Towers were amazing, everything I had expected. But the Doctor was off. He seemed to be desperately sad about something that he didn’t tell me. Maybe he couldn’t. I’ve spent so long now knowing things that I couldn’t tell him, I suppose it shouldn’t surprise me that it could go the other way again. I’m worried now, worried that maybe something is going to happen at the Library. But if that’s the case, I’m sure it’s important that I go. If he knows what happens, then he’s already experienced it and whatever it is that happens is most likely fixed._

_“I just can’t stand how much tonight felt like the end of something.”_

Numbly, he closed the journal and set it back on the railing. There wasn’t any more for him — there was nothing in her notes that he didn’t recognize. 

He was about to push open the TARDIS doors when something registered in his peripheral vision. It looked like… a lot of white, and a flash of wild curls…

Something jumped in his chest, and he stared intently for a long moment at the spot.

There was nothing there. He was seeing things.

His jaw clenched, he stepped into the TARDIS and closed the doors sharply behind himself. With movements that were probably more aggressive than necessary, he started up his ship and sent her whirling into the time vortex with no landing coordinates.

“Take me somewhere, old girl,” he said quietly, leaning back in his chair. “Take me anywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then, to fit this into the canon, he ended up in Victorian London. 
> 
> Big thanks to anyone who took the time to read this, and I very much hope that you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. :)


End file.
